Monthly Recap – May 2019 // Finding My Zen + Losing It Again, Roy Mustang Stan Time™ aka FMA: Brotherhood Rewatch, Book-Buying-Ban? Don’t Know Her, Voting, Netflix‘ High Seas & The Rain S2 + Earth is in trouble.


So — May happened. Happened fast and swift and violently. Most of the time. In other parts, it was very still and numb and underwhelmingly abstract. I’m not 100% sure what to think about this month but that’s the New Normal™ in my life at the moment, right? Life just keeps throwing exclamation marks at me while I continue my existence as a question mark. It’s all about balance, I guess lol. A LOT and NOTHING is going on simultaneously and it’s like I’m in two parallel universes at once. I could scream into my pillow at least twice a day currently.

*looking into the camera like I’m in The Office* You know, life is kinda maybe a tiny bit too hectic for me right now and I might need to push the pause button.
*the devil on my shoulder* LiFe Is tOo HeCtIc FoR mE I mIgHt NeEd tO PuSh ThE PaUsE BuTtOn.


2019 is kicking my butt. I’m behind on EVERYTHING in life, haven’t checked off any of the goals I set for this year, this month or this week. I’m working and working and working and not enough get’s done which means that my stress just keeps adding up into a massive to-do-pile. It’s heartbreakingly frustrating and I need a break.

I was basically chillin for two days, found my groove, did *some* stuff and then went directly back to my struggling-self. Repeatedly. I’m a second away from buying a ticket to fly somewhere far, far away from university in July/August. I am so tired of feeling this way and writing the same thing in these Monthly Recaps just over and over and over again. Nothing changes, everything stays the same. hOPEFULLY, change is gonna come!! and i’m gonna embrace it with open arms!!

Other Things That Happened In May:

  • slow internet is my mortal enemy!!
  • europe voted and i am a crumbling cookie about some of the results
  • i organized my room and deleted some post ideas that i’m never going to go through with
  • i’m researching medusa and trying to find some scientific sources that talk about that myth and it’s kinda difficult??
  • the last ever episode of Game of Thrones aired and people were meh about it
  • lots of political stuff happening besides the voting including some scandalous behavior from german parties o my
  • me being sad when i’m giving 100% and not receiving it back (in love, communication, time, priorities etc.)


I’m giddy and happy to say that I’ve read three whole books this month and started two more. I’m finally getting back into the Reading Game and I couldn’t be happier about it!! The first book I read was Matt Haig’s Notes on a Nervous Planet which kinda disappointed me because I was really low energy and really high expectations. Shitty duo. A few sentences resonated with me and definitely portrayed our zeitgeist but most of the time it was just a little repetitive/oblivious/not that accessible.

The second book was David Vann’s Goat Mountain which definitely disappointed me because Aquarium means so much to me and I’ve tried to recreate those intense emotions with his other books and it’s not working at all. You can find my (somewhat) review here. The third book I read was Saeed Jones‘ poetry collection Prelude to Bruise which was really good overall. I didn’t connect to all of the poems but those I loved, I really loved. Definitely super interesting. My favorite poem was „Closet of Red“, I felt that one. I didn’t fall in love with a book in May but I read more than I HAVE DONE SINCE A LONG TIME and that was AWESOME in general.


The first book I started is Sui Ishida’s Tokyo Ghoul:re, Vol. 1 which I wanted to read because I’ve owned it for a long time and I’m totally in the mood for anime and manga currently. I’m not that far into it but I’m ready to see what’s in store for me. The second book I started is Polly Rosen-waike’s Look How Happy I’m Making You which I’m super duper enjoying and I’m stoked to read more stories out of this collection. It’s about women and mothers, women as mothers and mothers as women. It’s fascinating and honest and true and I am excited to read the rest.




  • Prelude to Bruise
  • Look How Happy I’m Making You
  • second copy of The Hating Game
  • My Lovely Wife
  • The Piper’s Son
  • Bloodwitch
  • Aurora Rising
  • Red, White & Royal Blue

To make my book-buying-ban more achievable and realisticI’m allowed to BUY ONE BOOK for EVERY FIVE BOOKS READ. Ok? Ok. 


If I would’ve written this section last week, this paragraph would be blank — which is a true testament to me Procrastinating Even With The Things I Normally Enjoy mixed with a heavy dose of No Time For Anything Except Dread And Foreboding. Number Of Movies Watched Before Last Week: 0. Number Of Movies Watched This Week: 3. It’s like my media-consumerism-loving-heart kicked into overdrive before the end of the month lmao. Which, to be honest, was a nice change of pace. The first movie I watched was Netflix‘ Rim of the World which was kinda The Goonies/Stranger Things/Superbad/ This is the End with some Disney Channel vibes?? lol. It was a weird experience that I sometimes enjoyed and sometimes didn’t enjoy.

The second movie I watched was Netflix‘ Knock Down the House which is about four women (including Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez) challenging established senators by joining the political race and competing against them. It was both painful and uplifting and I’m very much glad that I found that film by accident because I was scrolling through the Netflix movies.

The third movie I watched was Netflix‘ Chasing Coral which broke my heart. I can’t put into words how much this movie hurt me and how angry and sad and heartbroken I was after watching it. I cried my eyes out and couldn’t stop thinking about it. Coral reefs are in trouble. The ocean is in trouble. Earth is in trouble. I can’t believe there are still people that don’t see the gravity of climate change. Please, if you haven’t already — watch Chasing Coral on Netflix. It’s so important and worth it to cry and think and rage over. 

Benjamin Flores Jr., Jack Gore, Miya Cech, and Alessio Scalzotto in Rim of the World (2019)Cori Bush, Paula Jean Swearingen, Amy Vilela, and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in Knock Down the House (2019)Chasing Coral (2017)


LET’S START WITH THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT: I REWATCHED FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST: BROTHERHOOD. MY FAVORITE SHOW. I love it more and more every time I watch the episodes. (This is only my third time watching it all the way through.) I watched some reaction videos on YouTube for Game of Thrones and after that started to randomly switch my way through all different kind of reactions to all different kind of shows until I found TheFlamingShark’s Playlist for FMAB — and the decision to rewatch the show by watching ALL of his reaction videos (which are the episodes in full time and not cut down to the best bits) for ALL 64 episodes was made. IT WAS WONDERFUL AND DEFINITELY THE BEST PART OF THE MONTH OF MAY FOR ME.

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood was the first anime I’ve ever watched and it still remains the best one I’ve ever watched. If you haven’t watched it yet, I really really really recommend it. It’s full of magic and action and intrigue; the characters are brilliant, the backstories are superb, the villains have their own motivation and are super interesting to watch, the plot and storylines of every character come together to build a complex web of actions and reactions that completely change your perspective and your feelings on certain events and/or people. i AM SO IN LOVE WITH THOSE CHARACTERS. Roy Mustang owns my heart. Riza Hawkeye owns my heart. Greed owns my heart. (That sounds so weird lmao.) The Elric brothers own my heart. Envy owns my heart. I JUST —

Romi Pak and Rie Kugimiya in Hagane no renkinjutsushi (2009)Alta mar (2019)Alba August and Lucas Lynggaard Tønnesen in The Rain (2018)

Moving on, the second show I watched this month was Netflix‘ High Seas. It’s a spanish show about two sisters going on a cruise – one to marry her fiancé, one to meet with a publisher/editor for her manuscript – and mURDER HAPPENS while they are traveling on the ship. It’s basically Murder on the Orient Express on a ship instead of a train. It’s filmed a little weird but definitely effective, the characters and the relationships between them are interesting and the overall concept of the whole show is incredibly entertaining. I’m not 100% on board with the execution of the story and some twists were a little cheap BUT THIS SHOW HAS POTENTIAL. I would not be opposed to High Seas getting a second season. I really adored the atmosphere, the location and the dynamic between Eva/Nicolás and the sisterly bond between Eva and Carolina.

The last show I watched in May was Netflix‘ The Rain Season 2. I WAS SO EXCITED FOR IT BUT IT DIDN’T DELIVER. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad! It just didn’t meet my expectations and I think it made some decisions that weren’t really smart in the long run (if there is going to be a next season.) The pacing was off, the ending was predictable and characters died that I think they shouldn’t have killed off because they added another layer to the overall world building and group dynamic. I’m slightly grumpy about this. Also, it was quite definitely noticeable that they had two episodes less in season 2 (S1: 8 episodes; S2: 6 episodes) to continue their storylines, add new aspects + new people, establish new dynamics and deepen already started ones. It was all over the place and I would’ve loved for the group to have been on the run a little longer!! Just out there exploring, push and pull & cat-and-mouse-game with the people chasing them, having scenes with the new characters + them being part of the show without yet meeting the core group and then being confronted with each other on, like, episode 4 out of the blue. i’M BABBLING + I have even more thoughts but let’s make a cut here lmao. 






  • i love all of those covers so much AND I AM IN AWE OF THEM


  • I’m excited to check out Well Intended-Love (chinese Drama & Romance show) and Pachamama (french animated movie) which are both coming to Netflix in June
  • Getting through my (long) stress phase and being done with applications
  • Hopefully buddy-read Red, White & Royal Blue??? (Anyone haven’t read it yet who would like to do that with me in June/July?)


How was your month? Did you watch any COOL TV shows? Something you totally loved on Netflix that I should check out? Can you recommend any good books or movies about climate change?

17 Kommentare zu „Monthly Recap – May 2019 // Finding My Zen + Losing It Again, Roy Mustang Stan Time™ aka FMA: Brotherhood Rewatch, Book-Buying-Ban? Don’t Know Her, Voting, Netflix‘ High Seas & The Rain S2 + Earth is in trouble.

  1. I completely related to everything you said in your life update. Every time I write a wrap-up, I feel like I’m just…. saying the same things. I always feel busy, but then it seems like nothing has really changed when I sit down to reflect. So know that you’re not alone there ❤

    I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with book buying bans. I let myself buy books in May (because it was my birthday!) and I definitely went way overboard. I like your idea about letting yourself buy 1 book every time you read 5 books. I think that's perfectly reasonable! I'm trying to read what I have for now, but I'm definitely going to be keeping track of how many I've read vs. bought this year and see if I can buy fewer books…hopefully…but let's be honest, it's hard!

    I hope you have a wonderful June!

    Gefällt 1 Person

    1. „I always feel busy but then it seems like nothing has really changed“ EXACTLY. The ratio between me-working and me-getting stuff done feels very uneven and definitely not balanced which is hard. But it’s nice to know that it’s not just me that feels like this. ❤ Thank you! I'm struggling for sure especially because I'm mostly a mood reader so when I see a book and realize how much that fits my mood rn, there is a 50/50 chance that I don't have the state of mind and will power to just go "be clever about this, don't just go with the monkey part of your brain that wants things IMMEDIATELY and ignore the long run" — so this way (1 for every 5 books read) is definitely me tricking myself into combining both of them haha. Thanks so much! I hope you have a wonderful June as well! ❤

      Gefällt 1 Person

  2. I hop things slow down for you and that you have a smoother June. Are you researching Medusa for a writing or school project. That sounds interesting. Book buying bans are HARD! I haven’t done one in a while, but probably should. I think I need to adopted a similar plan: one book for every five read. Hope you have a good June!

    Gefällt 1 Person

    1. Thank you! I’m researching Medusa for a college assignment in my course about myths + their effect and relevance (how they have shaped our perception/society/media landscape). It’s definitely very interesting but I’m only at the finding texts stage yet (after that I’ll start reading). BOOK BUYING BANS. I used to be great at managing my money but I have lost that quality it seems lol. I hope you have a great June as well! ❤


  3. ok but for real, the ENTIRE first paragraph???? that’s my month. you just described it so fucking accurately, i’m shook.

    „Life just keeps throwing exclamation marks at me while I continue my existence as a question mark“ = me™ and also mood™

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read Red, White and Royal Blue- it’s my fave of the year so far and i love that book more than i love myself. aurora rising was kind of disappointing tho 😦

    btw, THANKS for introducing me to Tweet Cute, i’m already living entirely for that book because im somewhat of a twitter disaster myself lol

    hope life stops kicking our ass, fren

    Gefällt 1 Person

    1. i’m shook too, it’s like we were month twins!! #QuestionMarkSquad I will definitely read Red, White & Royal Blue! Pinky promise! (Uff, I’ve heard mixed things about Aurora Rising, so I’ll just see what happens omg and try to keep my expectations low.) Tweet Cute seems so sweet and relatable and it’s been my honor to introduce you two. I hope life FOR SURE stops kicking our ass, month-twin ❤


  4. HELLO I am also part of the ‚Greed owns my heart‘ club and I’m very happy to see him get love!!! Just want to say that I LOVE the layout of your wrap ups and also just your general aesthetic for your blog, it’s so pretty!

    Gefällt 1 Person

    1. #GreedFanSquad!! He deserves all the love; such a great character with a very authentic storyline and lots of witty banter, oh my. 10/10. Thanks so much for the compliment! It’s so so nice to read comments like this ❤


  5. Your life update is too relatable! May was such a mess of a month for me and I feel like I’ve been saying that about every single month this year. I keep doing the same thing as you, catching up for a couple of days, then letting it all spiral out of control again. Repeatedly. It’s the worst pattern and I’m hoping to break it in June! Fingers crossed June’s a better month for both of us 🤞💕

    Prelude to Bruise and Look How Happy I’m Making you both sound like really interesting reads. I’ve been meaning to pick up more poetry and short stories, so I’ll add them both to my TBR!

    Thank you so much for sharing my post! 😊

    Gefällt 1 Person

    1. Thank you! „Spiral out of control again“ is literally the perfect description! It is the worst pattern, indeed, horrible no-good pattern. Finger tightly crossed for us in the next month(s)! ❤ Hope you like Prelude and Look How Happy if/when you get to them. c: Hope you have a great month of June! 🙂


  6. Congrats on your reading progress! I hope you enjoy your reads. Tokyo Ghoul:re threw me for a loop because I had a hard time figuring out who is who, but the developments are interesting. Fullmetal Alchemist is fantastic. I’ve read the manga and I’ve watched the first few episodes of Brotherhood, but I haven’t finished it. I need to since I keep hearing such great things about it!

    Gefällt 1 Person

    1. Thank you!! I’m totally reading very little but it’s still more than I used to for some time now so I’m proud as hell. Fullmetal Alchemist is SO GOOD I COULD GUSH FOR HOURS ABOUT EVERY SINGLE THING I LOVE ABOUT IT. But let’s just say: FMA: Brotherhood is awesome, indeed. ❤


    1. 100% busy and it seems to go on forever! I think August is going to be more laid back so I’m keeping my fingers crossed and trying to get through this time as good as possible. Thank you! I’m glad about the reading, too! PS: Medusa is super interesting but kinda hard too (especially because of the academic background of the task). I wish the fascination came from me but instead it’s from university so that „forced interest“ makes it tiring at moments because of the pressure. Thank you so much for commenting! 🙂


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